A New Way to Keep Cool (Part 2)

Yeah, April Fools!  No, there is no pool on the patio.  But that was probably fairly obvious with my Mad Photoshop Skillz™.  But, check out what you may have missed in the blog post itself:

• Did you wonder why the post was so long and awkwardly written?  Check the first word of every line.
• Althougth Ricka is a real name, it's very uncommon.  And it's usually a girl's name anyway.  Anyway, take the spaces and punctuation out of the cabana boy's name and you get::  Ricka St. Ley = Rickastley = Rick Astley
• Did you get a feeling that you'd seen some of the phrases before?  You have.  There were several 80's song titles worked into the post.  They're high-lighted below.
• Oh, and one final little bit of embedded-ness (is that a word?):  You, too = U2 = Group who sings "With or Without You" = one of the song titles worked in.

Happy April First!  (Well, now, April 2nd...)

 

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Never before in Fresno has such a thing been even attempted and you're
gonna be amazed. Fresno has been really, really kind to us and we want to
give something back. Last night, we have installed a swimming pool to help
you stay cool in the coming heat of summer. We tried hard and stayed
up all night last night putting the finishing touches on the patio and we've
never seen such a dedicated group of people. Turn 'em loose and they're
gonna tear up the town, I'm sure!

 

Let your eyes wander across this picture. See the palm plants placed to shade
you in the glaring heat of summer. Imagine yourself cooling off as you glide
down the stairs into the pool. Be sure to read the signs telling you what you should
never do.  Unfortunately, the City is very particular about what a pool owner is
gonna have to do to keep it open.  Especially in a bar.

 

Run! Play! Swim! You can do whatever you want to do in and all the way
around our pool! But, you'll have to be drinking your beer from plastic cups
and throw them away in the garbage cans by the pool. But, the bartender won't
desert you out there.

 

You can call the cabana boy over and have a drink brought to you. We've
never heard of cabana boys at Faces in Sacramento, but, be assured, we're
gonna have 'em for you here. Our new cabana boy, Ricka St. Ley, will
make the trek into the bar, place your drink order with the bartender and bring
you your drink. Complete with a little paper umbrella. So, please don't
cry with joy. We think, no, we're absolutely, one-hundred percent sure, you'll
never see a pool in the patio at any other bar in Fresno. We think it just ain't
gonna happen.

 

Say hello to relaxing evenings by the pool with all of your (and our) friends and
goodbye to nights at home watching re-runs of 80's video video shows.  You'll
never have to do that again so you can give it up. What's more, we think we're
gonna have shimmering blue lights and dancing bartenders for you, too!
Tell ya what else on Friday nights, we'll have videos and have Rick roll you out
a cocktail or two while you wait for your friends to show up.  There's no need to
lie; just tell 'em, "I'll be there with or without you."

 

And, time after time, you, too, can jump into the pool.  (But no diving; you'll
hurt yourself.)  Please leave all glass out of the pool area.  We are doing this for
you, our customers.  Enjoy the pool!

A New Way to Keep Cool

Never before in Fresno has such a thing been even attempted and you're
gonna be amazed. Fresno has been really, really kind to us and we want to
give something back. Last night, we have installed a swimming pool to help
you stay cool in the coming heat of summer. We tried hard and stayed
up all night last night putting the finishing touches on the patio and we've
never seen such a dedicated group of people. Turn 'em loose and they're
gonna tear up the town, I'm sure!

Let your eyes wander across this picture. See the palm plants placed to shade
you in the glaring heat of summer. Imagine yourself cooling off as you glide
down the stairs into the pool. Be sure to read the signs telling you what you should
never do.  Unforutnately, the City is very particular about what a pool owner is
gonna have to do to keep it open.  Especially in a bar.


Run! Play! Swim! You can do whatever you want to do in and all the way
around our pool! But, you'll have to be drinking your beer from plastic cups
and throw them away in the garbage cans by the pool. But, the bartender won't
desert you out there.

You can call the cabana boy over and have a drink brought to you. We've
never heard of cabana boys at Faces in Sacramento, but, be assured, we're
gonna have 'em for you here. Our new cabana boy, Ricka St. Ley, will
make the trek into the bar, place your drink order with the bartender and bring
you your drink. Complete with a little paper umbrella. So, please don't
cry with joy. We think, no, we're absolutely, one-hundred percent sure, you'll
never see a pool in the patio at any other bar in Fresno. We think it just ain't
gonna happen.

Say hello to relaxing evenings by the pool with all of your (and our) friends and
goodbye to nights at home watching re-runs of 80's video video shows.  You'll
never have to do that again so you can give it up. What's more, we think we're
gonna have shimmering blue lights and dancing bartenders for you, too!
Tell ya what else on Friday nights, we'll have videos and have Rick roll you out
a cocktail or two while you wait for your friends to show up.  There's no need to
lie; just tell 'em, "I'll be there with or without you."

And, time after time, you, too, can jump into the pool.  (But no diving; you'll
hurt yourself).  Please leave all glass out of the pool area.  We are doing this for
you, our customers.  Enjoy the pool!

Why I'm Not a Sign Painter

You remember that awesome job I did of putting the address numbers on our front door?

Well, I've done and made it "better"  I made a stencil of our logotype and (tried) to stencil it onto our front door.  It's sort of a temporary solution until we get our sign finished.  (The sign is lit up now, but there's still nothing on the one side of it and still says "The Den" on the other.  It was supposed to have been ready for this weekend but when you come down for Bear Frenzy, you'll see that it clearly was not.  Oh, well.)

Regardless, here's the "terrific" job I did on the stencil.

It's a nice idea but it really looks like crap up close.

At least it looks halfway decent from a distance:

Karl will be fixing my shitty stencil job later.  For which we should all be glad.

Evolution of Karl

Just a silly picture of Karl at the bar while we were getting our roof installed.

The Shrouded Meeting

The shroud of winter night was descending over the city like a drunken blanket sodden with sunlight and poked through by pins that would become the stars shining through.  The silver Ford F-150 with the dented tailgate and evidence of various birds that have roosted on the sides of its bed stuck sickenly to the bed rails sat at the left turn lane in the center of Blackstone Avenue its left turn indicator light blinking like the on-again, off-again progress of the building project undertaken by the truck's driver.

On the north-west corner of the intersection, a young man in his early twenties stood.  He wore a black fedora and a black suit and white spats over his black penny loafers.  The light from the street light formed a pool of warm, unflattering amber light around him; his face hidden in the shadow of his fedora.  From his gleaming brass saxophone he soulfully sent a haunting melody reminiscent of warmer, sultrier summer days in New York City lilting into the darkening streets of the city.

A gap opened up in the oncoming traffic and the driver inched his truck forward and stopped abruptly--the gap was moving slower and wasn't going to reach him in time.  A bead of sweat formed at his hairline about an inch to the left of the midpoint between his right eye and right ear and then slowly, inexorably crept down his temple toward the beard at his jaw.  It provided an unnecessarily refreshing cooling effect; it was winter after all.

The gap in traffic finally arrived and the driver gunned the accelerator and the truck, tires screeching a banshee cry like a drag queen who has just had her wig snatched off her head in the middle of her big, show-stopping number by a jealous underling with a mole the size of a dime on the left side of her nose, bolted across Blackstone and onto University Avenue.

Ahead, at the sad and lonely grey parking lot between the street and the railroad tracks that occasionally carry passengers on Amtrak to and fro going from and to the Amtrak station in Downtown Fresno and the occasional freight train going from and to places not quite understood the agent eagerly awaited to complete his task of passing the plans.

The truck barreled into the parking lot bouncing over the driveway access ramp like a giddy child on Christmas morning, turned left at the corner like a politician that has suddenly found herself in the middle of a scandal, and stopped next to the agents car with the broken windshield like a wild party at 2:00am.

The driver of the truck exited the vehicle into the chilly evening.  He could faintly hear the saxophonist's lamentations in the distance.

The agent said conspiratorially, "I want to explain a few things to you."

"Okay."

The two men slinked to the rear of the truck.  The tailgate was dropped and the agent spread the plans on the tailgate like a banquet on a budget.  Explanations were given.  "These are for your records," and "These are for the planning department," and "Take this to the Health Department," and "This is where they will sign off when you get your building permit."

The clandestine meeting concluded nearly as quickly as it had begun but not exactly, the plans were handed over to the driver of the truck, and the agent climbed back into his car and with a wave of his hand that said "See ya!" he fired up his engine and squealed off into the darkening night toward Blackstone Avenue where he turned right toward McKinley and disappeared out of sight but not quite out of mind and onto places unknown.

The other man opened the driver's side door to his truck, placed the plans and assorted paperwork onto the passenger seat, sighed a heavy sigh of unmitigated relief, and climbed back into the cab.  He closed the door with an air of finality and fired up his own engine and drove away.

And, as the last plaintive notes echoed forth from the saxophone, the shroud of darkness swallowed the day bringing the night and covered the only evidence -- some tire tracks, a few faint footprints, some shed skin cells and maybe a dog hair or two -- that the two men were ever there.

Slogan Slingin'

One of the things I had wanted to have for the bar was a good slogan that pretty much encompassed the feeling we want the bar to have.  We didn't really wanna take The Den's slogan ("Fresno's Bear and Leather Bar") because that seems (at best) a little rude.

Over the past several weeks, you may have noticed the slogan we use on our website change.  We tried out several.

But, I think we've settled it with "Conveniently Infamous™" even if we don't even quite know what it means.  (And how can we be infamous before we even open?  And what's so covenient about the place anyway?  The Cedar off-ramp is bizarre and getting to the bar from 168 is an exercise in map-reading and using a sextant!!)

Karl had a few of his own slogans that were summarily rejected by committee:

• In The Phoenix No One Can Hear You Scream
• Hooker-free Since 2010
• $4.50 Drinks for $4.50 People
• Now in Senseround!
• Smells Like Fish; Tastes Like Chicken
• Home of the Meal-Replacement Cocktail!
• Solves that Not-So-Fresh Feeling
• Friends, Fun and Flexible Phallus

We Have an Income!

Imagine my delight when I discovered we have an income!  Finally!  Something to put into the "Income" column on my financial reports!  It won't go very far in ofsetting the costs but still, having the income is SUCH a relief!

And now, I'm going to reveal part of our financial statement to you all.  You're all now on the inside!

We made $0.14 in interest last month in our savings account.

"...There's a key for that."

I used to only have three keys on my key ring: Home, Truck, and bike lock.  Now, with having new doors and a bunch of other things that all have keys and locks, my key ring has at least doubled in size.  And weight.  And it's only going to get worse.

(I know, not much of an update.  But it amused me so here it is.)

The Doors

The openings for the door on the bar are of irregular size and doors have to be custom made to fit.  So, yesterday, we paid a very pleasant visit to a door manufacturer in Fresno.

As we casually strolled through their showroom, we chatted and debated the nuances of what we want in the doors.

The side door which leads to the patio needs to make one feel casual, yet refined.  It needs to convey a feeling of relaxation.  The front door needs to impart a feeling of welcoming and invite you in without being pretentious and cold.  It is the very first introduction of the bar to you, the customer.  That front door needs to make you feel --

Oh, who am I kidding!?  They're just doors.  They have hinges on one side and a handle on the other.  They keep things out when we don't want them in.  We did select the door style we want, though.  It's not much more than a solid chunk of metal and wood and that'll be fine.

Karl Has No Pissy Attitude

Here's our mostly empty storage unit into which we moved all the stuff we wanted to keep from the storage containers at the bar.  It no longer looks like this.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Karl for several days....  Maybe he's stuck in there...

Karl doesn't have a pissy attitude

The Perfect Coffee Mugs

I'm always on the lookout for things that I think would set The Phoenix apart from other bars.  Today's discovery is coffee mugs from the Cafepress store of Someecards.com that I've happened to fall onto. They have, in my opinion, a bunch of mugs that would be perfect for the bar.  They have the right attitude and irreverence and humor.  Only problem is they're $15 each.  I wish they were cheaper because I would love to use some of them for the bar.  Unfortunately, I pretty well know they'd be too irresistible for some folks to leave at the bar and I know I can't get a decent enough bulk discount for the relatively small quantity the bar needs.

Plain, solid-color coffee mugs it is.  (Maybe I can take a Sharpie and write the sayings in my crappy penmanship onto the mugs....  Maybe not.)